Big fat Indian wedding: Songs to shake a leg on this year

Every year there are some bollywood songs which are a super hit in our weddings. We hunt for them, get them choreographed and shake our booties to it (mostly drunk).

Some of this years must haves:

1) Zor ka jhatka – Action Replay

2) Munni Badnaam hui – Debanng

3) Gal meethi meethi bol – Aisha

4) Title song – Anjanna Anjanni

5) Oh girl ! you are mine – Housefull

Enjoy!

The relatives came….

therelativescameIt’s been some time since I wrote. Somehow I could not sit on it. Not relaxed enough in the head.

And then yesterday, I was tempted. I think marriage and relatives give me a kick… Kick enough to start writing again….

It’s been one and a half years now since I got married. I can now almost anticipate the response I am going to get at a relative gathering.

This gathering was a mix of relatives I have met over the year and some I had met for the first time after the WEDDING.

Some extracts……

“…. Does not look married…. has not changed one bit……”

” …. beta, you need to put on some weight. Shaadi ke baad tu weight gain karna chaiyee…”

” … Still look like u study in school… what class…”

“…. she needs to eat… kuch kaathi hi nahi hai….:

” … u have come alone… saabji kahan hai…..”. This one is the best. The first time I heard this one… I though someone was asking for saabzi…. I looked completely confused in life. Took me 15 tubelight seconds to realize they were asking for husband  with due respect. he is saabzi…. allo and bangan wali saabzi. :)

The point is – it is the same conversations with the same responses everytime with the same people. I have tried to be innovative sometimes….

“…. ghar mein bahut kham karna partha hai…. cleaning, cooking, washing clothes… all I have to do…”

“… My husband makes me work and does not give me food…” I get some interesting reactions.

“… I live on air…..”.

And then u get bored, sometimes fried and sometimes just plain simple give up.

:)

Why people get Married?

Let's get Married

Let's get Married

I have wondered why people get married when most times individuals are unhappy in their marriage.

For most people, it seems like they would have been happier without it but as it is the done thing , so they have done it too and would recommend the world to do it. Post the damage,  you can bond with your friends (same gender) on the common issues you are facing. U back slap each other and feel good that you are not alone in this screaming, fighting, blaming, hair pulling world… situation …. or whatever u call it.

Issues for men… shopping, relatives, talking, not getting a boys night out and more shopping….

Issues for women… house chores, TV, sports, House cleaning, Not spending time with them, other women……

This got me to thinking on why people get married in the first place … is it really undying love and wanting to be with each other… or simple logic- afraid of loneliness, convenience , freedom. WHAT?

Some of the thoughts which came my way:

- Parental pressure

- Guilt free sex or let’s say societal permission to have sex

- To raise a family …continue their lineage

- Emotional bonding (I found this to be a rare one)

- To get out of their parental house .. some level of freedom (More applicable to women then men in the Indian scenario)

- To Travel : Not having to depend on others schedules. To be able to take off , do stuff together as your schedules are easier to match

- Plain Boredom

-  Peer pressure – Your friends have got married and you are left out. You want to fit in.

- A sign of having grown up and become responsible

- Financial support

- As we grow older I think, LONELINESS takes over most logics and becomes a big reason to run and find comfort in some company

Usually, its a combination of the above and more, instead of ONLY one reason.. there are 1-2 which dominate the process.

Thoughts are welcome.

- Quay.

Puke in Peace!

I seem to have graduated from ‘getting married’ issues to ‘being married’ issues.

No just puke till u pop a kid.

'No just' puke till u pop a kid.

So, another thing about ‘being married’.

If you are married and don’t have a child yet (esp. if you are in your end of first/beginning of second year), You cannot ‘puke’ or feel ‘quesssshy’ in your stomach without someone in your family/and worse friends raising an eyebrow or making a remark of ‘maybe…just maybe……’

So, here I am…..

Me: I threw up. I ate those damn gol gappa’s and this is where they have landed me. Imagine, it happened in the middle of the market. God, it was embarrassing like hell and I am still feeling super sick in my stomach.

Friend 1: Oh!!!!! (then giggles) maybe we are getting a good news.

Me: (aghast) One, I am in pain and u can only think babies. Two, I would know. Right? I have a chum cycle to tell me that.

Repeat of my plight and sickness to another friend.

Friend 2: Are u sure it was the gol gappa’s or ….hmmm!!!

Me: of course! I am sure gol gappa’s .. that’s the only dicey thing I ate off the street in the last two days.

Friend 2: No! No! I meant … Maybe….There is another reason. (smiles)

Me: OH NO !!! I would know …..

And the saga continues……..!!!!!

-Quay!

Conversation with an Uncle

And I boil......

And I boil......

I have just been really ticked off.

Excerpts from a conversation with an uncle of mine.

Uncle: Hello Beta!

Me: Hi Uncle.

Uncle: Tomorrow is HHH’s engagement and you and M have to to come for it. It’s at XXX at 7:30 in the evening.

Me: Sure uncle!

Uncle: Yeah, ab u are married and it’s best you become more responsible and start interacting with family and relatives more. You have to reduce your days of masti. Bahut ho gaya!!

Me: ( I have the most agast expression on my face) wow! Uncle, that is not possible. I will definately come tomorrow… but the rest we should let go!!

Uncle: Nahi nahi, ab serious ho jayoo….We will also do a formal dinner at our place soon for you guys!!

Me: Oh! Christ. okai… uncle … bye bye….

By then I had started to boil internally….

What is wrong with people!!!!

Are u Happy?

Here’s the new thing about getting married?

Suddenly u answer questions about your happiness index.

Your first job, your getting admission in great college, ur achievement in anything in life is incomparable to the happiness you are supposed to achieve once you get married. Getting married is the epitome of happiness apparently.

How many times in the last few months I have drawn a blank face to the the question – ” now you are happy?”.

Hello?

I was happy when I was single, I was happy when I was traveling, I was happy on so many other occasions. And on the scale of 1 to 10 on the happiness index, they all revolve around the same. Why then I was not asked this question  on earlier occasions by some of the random relatives and people I came across in the course of getting married. I was suddenly connected with people I had not met or spoken to for years.

I am sure they all mean good.

Only thing which comes to my mind is-why is this the success parameter in our lives. Why is it that if we are not married, there is something wrong with us or we are unsuccessful in life. Look at all the other things one does and achieves in life.

Or is it that people around have been caught in this and are happy that you are not immune to the system and got caught in it finally. Gives them a sense of satisfaction. ( This is my dark side talking!). It’s almost like the society  and the world around you has tamed you and made you one of them. Is that the satisfaction.

Some of the reasons:

- We are so happy you are now stable in life!! ( I was a cukoo in the head earlier apparently).

- Now you are on our side …. ( there there, Its about the number game to put more pressure on people who have not yet MARRIED!)

- Your parents ki tension katam hoi ( of course, considering some of you would be off their back now).

- You need companionship. ( This one i agree, I definitely don’t want to live my life alone as i go along but…. marriage does not assure you will have a companion, in my head. One can have companionship without getting married. Why do one need the tag).

So, people get married, then people get unhappy in marriages – there are fights and multiple other things. But people stick together because of children. society, family and live a compromised life. ( There are exceptions but a large number of people face this problem). Most people married question the lose of their freedom and things they did in the name of marriage.

Happiness in marriage

Happiness in marriage

It’s a weird concept in my mind.

It’s great to live with someone but to have to go through the whole ‘tham jham’ , i fail to understand.

I understand being host to a good party and celebration (disconnected with this whole concept).:-)

-Que

Safa – Jaipur

Watching the crowded streets

Watching the crowded streets

As we went searching for a Safa in the crowded Johari Bazaar, Jaipur (known for its wholesale shops for Jewelry and Bandini saris), I could not resist taking the above picture. At first glance, it’s look a whole lot of Rajasthani men are standing at one level, watching the busy streets buzzing with traffic and shoppers on a sunny Saturday afternoon.

They are actually a whole lot of Safa’s put together on the first floor of the shopping complex. You can see a similar set up right opposite across the road. They are faintly visible in the picture.

Traffic at Johari Bazaar, Jaipur

Traffic at Johari Bazaar, Jaipur

Another view of the main circle at the crowded Johari Bazaar,Jaipur. Can you see the hills and the fort in the backdrop (at a far corner).

- Que.

10 “Post Marital Benefits” :-)

I have been raving and ranting about this whole “getting married” process.
So, one gloomy day, I was exchanging some enlightening mails with a friend on this, when he sent me these “post marital benefits”.
To  maintain his so-called “squeaky clean” image, I shall not disclose his name (I am a considerate soul).
I  did try to reason that I am  only trying to make him famous, somehow the argument did not sell.

Let’s just call him VJ and he is married.

Extracts of the mail…

……but have i shared with you the top 10 post marriage benefits.. ?

1. You get to make everyone watch 20 hours of video coverage again and again… serves them right for putting you through it..
2. You get a present or cash for the first time you meet people lasts about a month..
3. All the time to yourselves.. unlimited ‘fun’ (the world suddenly expects you to have ‘fun’)
4. You get to join the annoying club which is perpetually trying to set up the remaining single friends
5. You get a new maid to gossip about…
6. You get a new driver to gossip about
7. You can get out of any situation with people around cause your ‘first and foremost’ concern is supposed to be your husband
8. A whole new wardrobe – from in laws and from your parents..
9. Gifts for the whole house! enough gifts to forward around for another 5 years!
10. Most importantly refer to point 3 again..

it gets worse … one day you’ll realise it’s better to give in… or as Y says .. you’ll be Zen… then it won’t be so bad..

Do i get killed for this, VJ?

-Que

I – Fuming Dragon

Fuse !!!

I have a temper. A short lived one but it comes with its full force, like a roaring fire.

And currently getting married and the whole process of planning it is making me see shades starting from baby pink, to rose pink moving to blood red and finally a shade which looks a shade so dark that it is almost black.

Like I have burnt everything there is sight and lashed out at anybody who comes within breathing distance.

Yes !!! I have become a fire breathing, clawing, roaring dragon.
I fume, fret to no avail.

I fume, fret to no avail.

After I have completely vented myself, I sit and wonder what has all the anger done.
It has pissed the brains out of me, I have become dysfunctional for that moment.
Hence, all productive time has gone wasted.

I have fought like crazy with my boyfriend, snapped the hell out of my parents.
My mother is sitting in her mandir upset , I am sure thinking why she deserved a girl like me.
My father is sitting at his desk staring at the computer.
My boyfriend( to be husband) is sitting at his place .. doing gods know what.
I am sitting upstairs in my office/ escape after i have scorched everybody with my anger, writing.. and wondering what the F*** is wrong with this system.

This is how it began:

Mother- Beta, all I want is you to get married. You are my responsibility. I just want to see you married off.
That is the only joy in my life.

Then when u actually decide to do that,
Suddenly there are multiple hidden plugg in’s which show their tentacles.

- First the whole world will be informed. Everybody will call you and say ” Aur Bhai, congratulations!
when is the d-day?”

Aunt 1 – ” Look at you glowing!! All his charm”.
I call it yoga, and a great face pack that I have been using for months.
And I have looked like this for over 3 months now.
Apparently, it falls on deaf ears. People hear what they like to believe. Its called “Conditional Listening”.

Aunt 2 – ” Oh!! are you feeling shy?” (giggle)

Aunt 3 – ” This is your last diwali in this house.”
My expression says – What? Are u nuts?

Aunt 4 – ” How are your mummy daddy”.
Me – ” Oh good! they are right here. I will call them.”

Aunt 4 – ” I meant you saas sassoor.”

Now since when did they become my parents. Just because I am marrying their son. Wow!! I have one set of parents and I am very happy with keeping it like that.


- Suddenly u have been reduced to when is “D day” and “what is the venue” for the rest of the time till it does not happen. And this is not just relatives. Those are still understand able.
These are your friends. Friends who have hated and abhored the concept themselves are suddenly asking you this.

Hello…… there is more to my life and I have a brain tucked somewhere. What happened to things like my work, my health, what music i am listening to, what movies i am watching, what books I am reading, where I am travelling.

Nope, suddenly none of that exists. The only thing that does is “D day” , “Venue”, “Karva chaut”, “my house- thats another one, so suddenly the house i have been living in is not my house – I get a new house”.

- Karva Chaut – My mother calls his mother to find out if I need to fast for his long life. Dudh??

- I wanted a nice happy weekend get away wedding for 150 odd people who matter. Call the world, most would not land up 3 hours away from the main city. My mother’s emotional blackmail worked on me. And it was back to Delhi for every single event. They get to call their world of 500 people.

Thats my problem at the moment!!

Trying to come to terms with theh fact that your wedding is not about u or for u, its a showcase.

-Que

Marriage Circus

Fishy Business
Fishy Business

(Found on the net somwhere)

Marriages are supposed to be about two people wanting to live together. But it seems to become a song and dance for everybody but the two people concerned in the scenario. There is talk to functions, of small ceremonies to just formalize the whole thing. I dont deny its a great way for family to meet and rejoice.. but let it be small and fun instead of making a whole circus out of it.

I have seen people go through claustophobic at the thought of having to deal with extended family and relations, on top of that we put up this show also in the name of society. This is crap. Why cant they be done in a simple sweet fashion somewhere where all are at peace and not running around like mad people.
The worst bit is people like us – all educated and working in fancy jobs and being liberal and all, accept it. We seem to say, this is how it works, this is how the system is and let us accept it and not try change it and push are way around it. So much so for us wanting to change the world if we can change small basic things like this!!!
Some of the reasons-
- Its too much of a headache. There are better things to concerntrate on.
- Parents have this hope of a circus from the time we are born, we cant kill it with our notion of it. Its too much effort and too many upset faces and issues to deal with.
- Some of us want it ( which is fair i guess, to each his own)
- For some its insignigicant/ indifference and the idea is to get over it in the most peaceful manner, that is , complete non interference in any of the affairs and just be present. (preferably stoned)
There is another twist to it -
Even in our mordern times, the girls family has their fear of dowry. It is amazing that people in todays day and age and in educated households still hold this demand and fear. I am no feminist, but i think the women should take dowry for a change for the simple fact that they shift base completely to the guy’s house and builds everything from scratch with his family. Even company’s give re-location perks, so this is re- location at its best.. there should be perks to the chick for the same. :)
-Que